Monday, December 9, 2013
1 Week Out!!!!! I Can't Believe This Is Really Happening And How Did I Not Give Up 5 Months Ago!!??!
It's crazy to think that this whole self discovery, put myself to the test, be a better me, 6 month journey is coming to a close, although, let's face it....the journey will never really end....I now have this new lifestyle I've adopted that I will need to maintain. Otherwise, that 38 lbs will come rollin back on. That's the thing about diets....you do it, you stop doing it and then you're back where you started. If that's the way you look at it, It'll be a never ending cycle that just continues...you need to make this shit your life....sadly, you must change if you want to see change...I guess that kinda goes for everything in life.
When I look back at the beginning of all this and read my earliest blog entries, I realize that I've changed so much. My outlook on social events, food, exercise, my body and my life have completely been reborn, shall I say....After months of living without many of the things we love on a daily basis like wine, sweets and cheese I have broken this cycle of "needing" these foods to feel good, to decompress and to celebrate. I have learned to use other resources than food to indulge in and feel comforted by. We all love a couple glasses of wine, but do I really need to drink the whole bottle...alone...on a daily basis...no....
Why not get motivated and get shit done in the house, why not get in your car and go to the gym or take your dog for a walk, why not have girlfriends over for coffee, why not write up your to do list for the week so you get productive, why not play and read to your baby.....go get a massage to relax or take a warm bath...there are more ways to deal with your fucked up day than drown yourself in crap at happy hour which will only make you feel worse 12 hours later and a size bigger in your jeans...Believe me, I know :/
The really odd thing is, when you start working out consistently and prepping your food and eating clean your life somehow doesn't seem so tough or stressfull or depressing. You kinda go to this "I'm so awesome" place and you never really come down from it...you have control, a new found strength within yourself and seriously no one can put out this fire you got goin on, BUT I'm not gonna lie...it takes time..it doesn't happen tomorrow...for me it took 7 weeks..7 long, tear filled, fucked up weeks before I saw and felt a difference. Most of us quit before that and the elite ones are those that keep going no matter how they feel, what their friends say, how hard it is to get to the gym or how bad their day was at work. They make it happen one way or another to be the best version of themselves.
That was my goal...in the beginning of all this..to be the best version of myself....I'm turning 34 next week and I had a baby 16 months ago. I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it, that I could be elite and to possibly inspire other women in the same way that I've been inspired by others. I still really can't believe I made it....this whole thing is kinda surreal. I've learned a lot about myself that I didn't know in these past 6 months about how much more strength and dedication and heart I have. I have trained sometimes twice a day, cut even calorie free sweeteners out of my diet along with pretty much all sugar, dairy, and alcohol. While planning and hosting events, working on my business, caring for Colton full time and prepping and packing my food. Now, in a different world where no bikini show exists there is not such a need for perfection and double cardio...no need to cut everything out of your diet, but for the purpose of doing this show and expecting some insane results in 6 months a girl had to do what a girl had to do. However, this just makes me realize how TOTALLY DO ABLE a normal gym schedule and meal plan is!
My show is 6 days away and I feel excited yet sick to my stomach. I have everything ready to go, except my sprained ankle is slightly challenged in my 4 inch heels....please send good thoughts my way on Saturday that I'll walk gracefully. At this point, I look like I have a stick up my ass.
Well, I'll end this entry saying this....I'm a little nervous about what lies ahead as far as finding a balance after this show. There is no way to maintain this lifestyle for more than 6 months and 1 day sooooo I will have new challenges in store for me, but I will continue to work at it, and to always have the goal of being the best version of myself. I can't compete with someone else...we are all different....I think being the best YOU is a pretty awesome and attainable goal :)
Insane Bikini Momma
Monday, November 25, 2013
All I can say is "Thank God time passes and now I only have 3 weeks left of this training hell." And I'm so thrilled that once again I'll be dining out of tupperware for Thanksgiving....obviously I have no plans. I don't recommend doing a bikini show in the middle of the best food months ever and if Starbucks is sold out of pumpkin scones on Dec 15th I promise I will cry. I have this huge day planned the Sunday after my competition which consists of FOOD all day long, however, I'll probably eat breakfast and then die in the bathroom all day....but one can dream pizookies and pizza and popcorn and candy....ugh, im already getting sick.
I've got everything ready to go for my show just need to finalize a couple things before the 14th. This show has literally cost me like 600 bucks and will probably create a whole bunch of new insecurities and now I'm wondering what the fuck I was thinking......
I've lost 36 pounds in 6 months and I'm in a size 26 jean....I don't think I've ever squeezed my ass into anything smaller than a size 27, but let's be honest...there was some serious muffin top happening under a cute flowy blouse at that time. I've worked my ass off and now I just have to figure out how to maintain a healthy balance cause I know I can't eat like this forever. So, I'll be continuing my blog after the show documenting the "fucked up in the head ex bikini queen who is trying to stay in her 200 dollar size 26 J Brand skinny's".....shit....
For those who are curious about what I'm eating, here is what I ate today:
Breakfast- 1 plain rice cake w/ 1 tbs peanut butter and 1/4 of a banana sliced on top.
Snack- same thing as breakfast.
Snack- 2 oz. chicken, 12 asparagus spears and a plain rice cake.
Lunch- 4 oz chicken, 1/4 c brown rice, 1 c zucchini, 1/2 tbs olive oil.
Snack- Chocolate protein shake, 1/4 c almonds.
Dinner- 6 oz chicken, 1 egg, 1/4 c brown rice, 1 cup zucchini (made a scramble fried rice kinda thing).
86 g Fat
73 g Carbs
130 g Protein
Clearly I'm eating for fuel not fun. This is not a diet that someone can do for the rest of their life....I can tell you for sure you don't want to do this! What I've taken from this is that a normal meal plan where I started 6 months ago that included balanced meals that totaled 1700 calories was totally do able. I lost the majority of my weight that way, but to fine tune, or shall I say deplete for this show, I had to cut out dairy, sugar, alcohol, processed foods (other than my rice cakes), and decrease my calories. Now keep in mind I'm working my ass off in the gym and doing 5 days of cardio for an hour on top of it...also not maintainable. Geoff told me that soon I may get to do TWO hours of cardio 5 days a week....oh joy....So, the moral of the story is find something you can realistically work with and prep the shit out of it!! Don't crash diet or eat no carbs or do 7 cardio sessions a week, because you know that shit sucks and you are lying to yourself if you think you're gonna do that for the next 20 years. Prepping for this show has given me a whole new perspective on food and portions and if anything has taught me how to eat and how to prep on Sundays and how if you're not prepared you're screwed and you make bad choices.
Here's to maintaining my poker face when I'm hangry and want to kill someone ;)
3 more weeks bitches!!!!!
Insane Bikini Momma
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
I know, I know....Where the hell have I been...well, training my fucking ass off, moving, trying to keep a 1 year old dare devil alive, and somehow starting my own beauty line. I'm officially a crazy person. Why would anyone want to take on so much crap?! Well, my mothers name is Janet Roberts and she spawned me and people say I'm just like her and she can't sit down for the life of her, sooooo pretty sure it's in my genetic makeup.
First, I'd like to discuss moving on a diet. The idea of moving is the absolute worst and you don't realize how much shit you have until you have to box it all up. When you're moving there is no easy access to food, no where to keep it cold so you really gotta prepare that one. Now everyone else just ordered pizza and drank beer, and I may have cried a little in the process of watching them all decompress and sip pumpkin flavored ale. But, let's face it...Ive been doing this for 5 months and Its just not worth a sip of beer at this point....or a greasy slice of pizza. I mean, if I'm gonna cheat it's gonna be super awesome. Like an enormous bag of candy from Sweet Factory.....just sayin.
I have become the mom who just doesn't care how dirty my child is or what he may have just eaten off the ground. One thing I can say is that when youre dieting and training for a bikini show you just don't have the energy to give a shit. We went to Target and I gave Colton one of those vitamin c lollipops, you know, so he'd behave and 10 minutes in he dropped the damn thing. I even stepped on one side of it as we walked past. I thought for a moment, "I'm just gonna keep going...maybe he'll forget about it", but no...he screamed and I just can't handle breakdowns at the moment....without wine and sugar...soooooo, I went back and picked up that dirty lil thing and gave it back to him........don't judge me.
Now on to more fabulous things. I just ordered my bikini for the competition! And of course got my stripper heels! Only 6 more weeks to get bikini amazing and after doing a trial for my competition tan, which looked like Magda from "Something About Mary", I need to find a way to hide pre-show, because as Geoff puts it, "it's not good for business."
Here are my latest progress photos:
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Can I just begin by saying how much I hate golf? I tried....I really did...To connect with my husband, try something new, explore different hobbies....but this is some bullshit. First, you have to apparently chase the SAME ball around all day...even if it lands in a bush or a tree, and there's friggin something called "golf etiquette" where you can't talk or stand too close to someone and you have to let the other person go first if their ball is farther when its really your turn. And I also learned that Geoff has road rage in a golf cart, that they allow drunk people to drive those things, and after seeing my husband throw and break a golf club I'm pretty confident he needs anger management..... Not to mention husbands are horrible teachers. To be completely honest, I was really only excited about the cute golf outfit....then Geoff cheapened out and wouldn't get me the shoes. He tells me now that he's "So glad he didn't buy me my shoes" because I don't even like golf and that would have been a waste. I mean, please, If I look good, I play good....shoulda bought me the shoes bitch.
Another subject I'd like to touch on is "wine tasting with your aunts." While driving to San Diego for a fun filled, bring my own food, dont drink anything, couples golf weekend, we just HAD to "stop by Wilson Creek Winery on the way to grab a case of wine." Yep, thats what she said, "stop by." Im thinking im gonna drive the car up, leave the engine on and ya'll can get out and "grab" the wine. Oh no....we spent ( I mean THEY spent) an hour wine tasting while explaining to the people working there that I was doing a bikini show and I couldn't drink so I was their sober driver. Amazing.....and then all the employees were asking me nutrition advice and if I "do crossfit" and how many calories someone is supposed to eat and if Paleo is a good diet. I all of a sudden became a professional....at a wine tasting bar....with my drunk aunts who later made me stop by Jack N The Box for french fries and ate them in my car...while telling me to put my "earmuffs" on while they talked about how good the fries were....ya, I can smell em...I know...thanks. I put my "stay strong" panties on that weekend let me tell ya.
On another note, I am 10 weeks out from this Bikini Competition. I have literally been busting my ass for 4 months now not only in the gym but being super consistent and ocd with my food. I feel the best I've ever felt in my life and my only worry now is finding a balance after my show. The compliments from everyone definitely help with motivation...my apartment complex maintenance guy even mentioned how I was "chubby" before, but now I look like "a model."... Nice....And I'm noticing it most in photos lately. For once in my life, I'm not having to analyze my pictures because I'm seeing I'm looking different. Geoff has us carb cycling now so 1st day no carbs, 2nd day half carbs and 3rd day carb load. We're seeing how our bodies respond, because we still have 10 weeks to dial it down. The training is more intense, but that was to be expected. I just struggle some days with the baby and the occasional sleepless nights and how busy he is. Hard to manage everything on low calories while prepping food, working, training, and somehow not losing my mind. Oh, and did I mention were also moving this month. Ahhhhhh!
My current weight is 135lbs...Ive lost 22 lbs in 4 months. I just fit into a size 26 jean and a size 2 pair of shorts. In 4 months I have transformed my momma body....I still have a ways to go for the show, but I'm progressing and learning and staying strong and changing my life. And while I'm doing that, can someone please have a Pumpkin Spice Latte for me? I miss those lil babies...
Progress Ive made in only 4 months!
Insane Bikini Momma
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
I'm runnin a little behind this week with my blog due to the fact that my child is a teething monster who constantly cries, doesn't sleep, wont eat, has a really awesome diaper rash, and is driving me totally crazy. He clearly doesn't care that my #1 fans have no clue what is going on in my life...I mean, you all could be missing some serious good shit here! Well, we wont waist anymore time...here's a recap:
First off, I'm about 12 weeks out for this bikini show! My workouts have increased and now I'm doing 2-a-days. Cardio, lunges, sled pushes, arms, shoulders in the morning and then class at night 4 days a week. What the fuck was I thinking seriously with a 1 year old....If I was a single person, this would be totally doable. With Colton it's a damn juggling nightmare. I could use a full time, unpaid, gym nanny please, although, perhaps his father has already taken this position as he refers to watching our child as "babysitting."
Moving on, my food hasn't changed much..still on 1700 calories. Just being extremely ocd about measuring and counting every speck of food and by now it's really a no brainer. No processed food, no dairy, no carbonated drinks, no sugar, no alcohol. Peanut Butter is still keeping me sane. I thank mother nature for peanuts and all their goodness. Trying to choke down water on a daily basis but I just don't care for it.....Only way I can even get close to half a gallon is if I add those liquid Blue Raspberry Crystal Light drops, but then if you have too much you've got really bad gas for the remainder of the day ;/ good luck jumproping with that shit going on.
And while were on the subject of bodily problems, big tits and running don't agree even with the most ridiculously expensive sports bras and sweaty vaginas in tight spandex pants while doing the spin bike 4 days a week is a problem. Just sayin...hypothetically speaking of course. If I could make a couple suggestions to anyone who may care....don't chew so much gum in place of sweets that you think you may have TMJ and your gastro intestinal system is responding similar to the Crystal Light drops problem, lock up your naughty drawer so when your child decides he's over his zillion toys all over your house he doesn't bring your sex toys out to the living room for your guests to enjoy...once again, hypothetically speaking of course, and don't plan a bikini show where the strictest part of your diet and workouts is during Halloween and Thanksgiving...fuck.
And by the way, if you plan on doing a bikini show I'd research the cost of all this crap before hand. Not only is it $200 just to participate, but you've gotta pay for jewelry, stripper heels, Jamaican color tanning solution, posing workshops, hair extensions and my suit alone is $230! Yes, please, let me workout like a crazy person, not eat anything fun AND pay a fortune for it....I guess you have to be extremely narcissistic to sign up for this shit, because that's the only thing you get....a hot body to stare in the mirror at and take douchy selfies to post on facebook so all your friends can see how amazing you've become....eh, I'll take it.
Insane Bikini Momma
Friday, September 13, 2013
After I posted my " Girls can have muscle too" blog this week, a few girls wrote me about how they too have experienced other women's verbal attacks about their bodies and how they "shouldn't lift weights anymore"....just "run and do yoga or something" because their too "bulky." I'm sorry, but who are these people giving such educated advice? Do they work in the fitness industry? Have they studied the body? What makes these women such damn experts? Funny how it's less likely for men to give this advice or pass this judgement, but rather women, who share our same insecurities, are the ones that are making other women feel like shit. Aren't we suppose to stick together and support each other? WTF is wrong with people?! I just recently "defriended" someone on face book because of a comment they made on one of my friends photos that I was tagged in. My friend has been training her ass off for a figure competition and looks amazing. Someone I knew wrote, "ugg-a-lee". I was mortified. After I apologized to my friend for the horrible comment, she said, with such a good attitude, "It's ok! Muscle aint for everybody." This may be true, but why make someone else feel bad about something they may be proud of? And it's always the miserable people that have to comment on shit that doesn't concern them.
I'd like to share a couple things with you all....an education of some sorts from research I've been doin online....I pretty much have a masters degree now..just sayin.
As you know, this is what society thinks looks good....
Women don't wanna lift weights, because they think this will happen...( this requires a lot of food, work and drugs btw).
When in reality, this is what will happen...That is, if you eat a clean diet, work out consistently and take classes at Train Insane Gym :)
If it's so bad, why does Jessica do it?
And I mean, my god, they just look awful....so "bulky".
Ladies, love yourselves and love your bodies. Don't let others dictate how you feel about yourself. Don't change for anyone else but you. If you're not happy, do something...change it.....but don't let some skinny hater bitch in the bathroom or a scrawny, mean boyfriends mom or your anti weight lifting friends make you feel like you need to fix something that's wrong with you. I never knew looking like an athlete made you a weirdo..god forbid you can actually escape a rapist using your own body weight by climbing out of a tall locked dungeon....
Ok, I may watch too much "Law and Order" but that shit can happen....and bitches, I'ma be ready for it!
Insane Bikini Momma